Mama has been silent…for awhile, she just write in her blog ladyVPN. Mama’s not sure whether Mama just lost the passion, couldn’t find her voice or just got lazy…it could be a combination of the three but every time Mama sat down to write, nothing came. The passion was gone and what did come out was contrived and did not flow like lava…like it did before. That was until Friday, December 14, 2012, when 21 innocent children and 7 heroic teachers and staff members were tragically gunned down at a public elementary school. Everything stopped and the words wouldn’t stop flowing through Mama’s head all the way down to Mama’s fingers.
Now five days later, Mama still can’t move past the tragedy that occurred. Politicians are pointing fingers at each other blaming each other for the lack of gun control, school administrators across the country are implementing intruder disaster plans complete with code words and installing additional security cameras with these wireless alarm systems reviews, as well as using the Locksmith services in Atlanta GA found at http://www.unlockitlocksmith.com/, and Mamas and Daddies are holding their children tight not wanting to let go for fear that the world has in fact gone crazy. For safety for your family, you must call for the right services. The locksmith frisco will give you what you deserve for your family, safety locks and keys to protect you inside your home.
Mama is haunted by these innocent children whose lives were cut short by a crazed man. Many of them had birthdays right around Lily-girl. They were the same age. Mama can’t imagine the pain and sorrow the families are feeling. But what Mama is feeling is the guilt. The guilt of having three healthy children still here. To have, to hold, to smile with and to yell at, and to be able of taking care of them, keeping them healthy and safe with CPR techniques that I learned from a Hamilton Coast2Coast First Aid/CPR Hamilton Coast2Coast First Aid/CPR courses that I found online.
Wrapping presents is next to impossible because the guilt hangs heavy. Mama is thinking of all those presents parents of Newtown children had bought. Their presents are probably still sitting there…under the tree…waiting for them.
The kids were being out of control annoying tonight — jumping up and down, screaming all over the house and throwing crackers into the rug. It was chaos but as Mama started to yell and give them a long timeout. Mama stopped and decided to ‘carpe diem’ the moment. Mama felt the Newtown guilt. Mama shouldn’t complain that they’re not behaving — at least they are here. With Mama. To have and to hold.
The guilt is overwhelming and consuming because now everything that Mama does is equated with this underlying guilt. Mama has it all — her three children here and healthy. The fact that they’re healthy actually is a a whole separate guilt. You hear stories every day about children that come down with cancer or rare diseases and you immediately feel lucky to have your families health and you feel guilty that they are healthy.
The Mama guilt never ends and yet you want to do so much more to help those that have suffered the loss of a child.
Even when we loss our own family hero, we always knew there was a chance he wouldn’t ever come home. He was in the front lines of the military, in harms way. While you hope that day will never come, you can prepare for it. These children and their families were just going about their normal daily lives — excited to go to school and play with friends. Nobody thinks when they drop off their child, it will be the last time they see them.
As Mamas we need to come together to put an end to the senseless violence that this country has seen far too much of in the past year. We are the land of the free, which means we should be free to go to movie theaters, shopping malls and school without suiting up in a bullet proof vest and in fear that we might never see our children alive again. How do we stop the cycle of guilt and violence?