Archive for rant

Sleep? Yes, please!

We just don’t value sleep anymore as a society. Well, at least when you’re not able to get any. The past couple of days have made for one cranky, sleepless Mama and guess what…Mama is pretty sure the trend is not ending anytime soon. While CeCe is a dream sleeper, it’s the other two that do the waking — how to prevent that. Yes, white noise is nice but it drives Mama up the wall. Reminds Mama of that Sex and the City episode where Carrie had to listen to Burger’s croaking frogs sound machine all night long. No thanks!

But surely, Mama is not the only Mama losing sleep these days…sick kids, teething babies and just those that won’t go to sleep…all make for frustrating nights. Let’s compare shall, we?!

8:00 p.m. — Books are read. Three babes are bathed and in pajamas. Lights out for Lily-girl and Baby Boy. CeCe stays up for one more feeding.

8:05 p.m. — Lily-girl is sound asleep snoring. At least someone is sleeping!

8:07 p.m. — The first visit from Baby Boy. “Mama, I need water!”

8:10 p.m. — The second visit from Baby Boy. “Mama, I need to go potty.” (side note: he refuses to go potty during the day other than in his Pull-up).

8:15 p.m. — Feed Cece and put her to sleep

8:30 p.m. — Diva Dog starts barking from a noise outside the door. CeCe wakes-up.

8:31 p.m. — Baby Boy arrives outside the bedroom door. “Diva is barking, she needs to go potty!”

8:32 p.m. — March Baby Boy back to bed and tell him that spiders will bite his toes if he gets up one more time.

8:45 p.m. — Put CeCe back to bed again.

8:50 p.m. — Baby Boy bursts in the bedroom again and hops into bed. CeCe wakes up.

8:51 p.m. — March Baby Boy back to bed for the fifth time. He screams and whimpers over and over and over again…“Mama!”

9:00 p.m. — Change CeCe, feed her and attempt to put her back to sleep. It’s a no-go — she’s up now!

9:45 p.m. — Put CeCe down again and check on Baby Boy. He’s still awake, reading. Turn off the light and tell him to go to sleep. (or was it “Go the “F” to sleep”…can’t remember…a little hazy after lack of sleep).

10:00 p.m. — Everyone is asleep. Decide to read but end up falling asleep.

11:30 p.m. — CeCe decides it’s time to wake-up. No, it’ s not time yet.

12:00 a.m. — CeCe goes back to sleep

12:30 a.m. — Baby Boy bursts in and says very loudly, “Mama, I’m all wet” as he jumps into bed next to Mama. CeCe also wakes up at this moment.

12:45 a.m. — Baby Boy is changed and refuses to sleep in his “wet” bed. (Of course, Mama changed the sheets!) Mama attempts to lie on the floor next to him to get him back to sleep. Too uncomfortable, everyone back to bed.

1:00 a.m. — Mama is greeted with two feet pushing her off the bed onto the floor. Oh look, it’s Baby Boy sleeping sideways. LOVELY! Mama decides to count sheep. The dog is snoring so LOUD.

2:00 a.m. — CeCe wakes up again. Feeds and goes back to sleep.

3:00 a.m. — In walks Lily-girl, “Mama, I had a bad dream!” It’s just a dream — go back to bed! There is no more room in this bed for another person.

4:00 a.m. — CeCe wakes up one more time. Teeth? Hunger? Who knows but this night will never end…!

4:30 a.m. — Baby Boy is talking in his sleep and kicks CeCe in the head as we are feeding in bed. Screaming ensues.

5:00 a.m. — CeCe is back in the bassinet and Baby Boy has been pushed aside in the correct sleeping position.

6:00 a.m. — Alarm goes off — time to start the rat race again!

Wasn’t that so much fun! Mama thinks it was at least three hours of sleep that was had. The best part…Mama is sure it will happen again tonight. Sweet Dreams..ZZZZ!

Vacation vs. a Trip…

Yes, Mama is well aware that one full week has gone by since you’ve heard from Mama…however, it was for good reason (isn’t it always). The family went to get a little “Aloha” time and spend some time living life in our 50th state. However, every time we go somewhere with our now “Party of 5″, it never turns out the way we hoped. Because as we should all be well aware of by now is that traveling with young kids is no easy task — it is definitely not a vacation. At least not for Mama…nope, by definition it is now to be called a trip.

Vacation = relaxation in the sun with no-one yelling “Mama”, no-one tugging at Mama for a snack, no poopy diapers to be changed, able to sleep on an airplane as desired, read a book or magazine without interruption, drink a glass of wine without abandon and able to sleep-in past when the roosters on the island start crowing.

Trip = car seats in tow, stroller gate checks, crying children from lack of sleep snacks or anything else they may want, not able to turn the TV on in the room past 7 p.m. for fear of waking the kids, no conversations with your hubs between the hours of 5 a.m. and 8 p.m. for fear of waking the children, dinners consisting of mac n cheese and more mac n cheese and many, many threatening stares of passengers in the airplane, guests of the hotel or anywhere you may see us headed, and two stressed and grumpy parents.

We obviously were on a trip because the above definitely describes Mama and what was happening the entire time. It was nice to be away but at the same time, we longed to be home to have some familiarity so our kids would be sane. Of course, we follow all the “rules” and bring tons of snacks, games, coloring books, favorite toys to entertain en route on the airplane and in the hotel room during rest times post-swimming but in reality, Mama is here to tell you — they don’t work.

Kids are restless by nature and that includes a five hour plane ride to Hawaii. If you do in fact witness a child that does not once get out of their seat, does not raise their voice (screaming and crying included) or kicks and/or hits the seat in front of them, the person next to them or get in the way of the flight attendant in the aisle — then their parents drugged them. Yes, there are people that drug their children with Benadryl or Tylenol to make them sit still, pass out and otherwise just sit and veg out on the iPad. Lovely in theory — in fact, Mama thinks they may be on to something. However, knowing Mama’s kids…the drugs will probably have the opposite effect and get them even more hyper.

So each time we return from “a trip” we vow never to go on one again…but Mama loves traveling so it’s hard not to want to take them. In fact, traveling with kids reminds Mama of childbirth…so soon after it happens you forget the recovery process.

Do you like to take your kids on vacation…er…a trip?

You do what…?!

How did yet another week pass by and now it is April? Mama is sure you’re getting sick of hearing Mama say that but…it’s so true! We’ve had many changes in the house in the past 24 hours that Mama is sure you’re dying to hear about…Baby Boy has had his first successful POOP in the potty in which Mama danced, cheered, gave a whole bag of M&Ms for and the hubs is bringing home a special toy. The second change is that little Miss CeCe has cut her first tooth. Great successes but such a sad day for Mama because it means they’re getting all grown-up. The hubs couldn’t be more pleased to be growing out of the baby stage again…and the Pull-up stage for Baby Boy…for Mama it is yet another story.

So while all this is happening, Mama still can’t get over the odd, odd things that were circulating around last week. While Mama is totally not one to judge (or am I?!) there are some very, very strange things Mamas out there are not only DOING but yet filming and posting them doing it to You Tube. While to each his own…it’s quite one thing for you to actually do it in the privacy of your own home but if you don’t want to be judged, don’t go posting it on the Internet for all to see. That is how gossip is started but yet this isn’t gossip…it’s real and quite frankly, freaking Mama out. Let’s review and discuss this strange behavior, shall we?!

“Kiss-Feeding aka French-Feeding” — if you haven’t yet seen the video that actress Alicia Silverstone posted of her feeding her 11-month old son Bear, then you should…just for giggles sake. It’s one thing to breastfeed which is a completely natural thing because our bodies make milk to nourish our babies and you can feed them for as long as you like — that’s your own choice. However, we are not birds so therefore Mama is pretty sure we shouldn’t teach our children to eat like baby birds. In the video that she posted, Alicia puts the food in her own mouth, chews it and then Bear leans in for what looks like a kiss but really, she is feeding him the chewed up food. It’s their way of bonding. It’s really…um…disturbing…or just quite odd. Mama can think of a hundred different ways to bond other than feeding them like a baby bird…perhaps just a cuddle might make bonding a bit more sanitary. Like Mama said to each his own but Mama has to wonder about all the bacteria and virus swapping that is happening in that video…not only that but Mama is also questioning the delicious breakfast that she describes as “miso soup, collards and radish drizzled with flax oil…” — Mama knows that there is no way that Mama’s kids would even go near that even if it was from my own mouth. Would you feed your kids this way…or have you already and Mama is just so old-fashioned?

“Placenta-pill popping” — of course another thing straight out of Hollywood is the new trend of having your placenta after birth made into pills or powder so you can ingest it to help ward off post-partum depression, replenish nutrients lost during pregnancy, aid in breastmilk production and act as a uterine tonic. Actress January Jones (Mad Men) admitted that she took placenta pills after giving birth to her son to People Magazine….um…okay. While there isn’t any proven science to eating your own afterbirth, people that have done it say they feel more energized and…?! In fact, it is a growing trend and people have posted recipes online that include your placenta as a “snack”…such as throw it into a smoothie or sprinkle it on your baked potato. Doesn’t that just sound delicious…?! Perhaps I might dine with Alicia Silverstone and not January Jones…

“Pink Slime Meat” -- this is just disturbing. How can meat companies think that we won’t find out that they are polluting our meat with what is in fact pink slime (beef additives) that are unhealthy and unsanitary. We should walk into a store or purchase our kid’s meals from school knowing that they are getting PURE 100 percent beef. Perhaps it’s not organic or grass-fed beef (because that would be really expensive) but it is REAL. When it says hamburger…it should be a hamburger and not hamburger with a side of SLIME. Retailers have come out saying that they don’t carry this kind of beef including: Whole Foods Markets, Fresh & Easy Markets, Trader Joe’s. Retail giants like, Safeway Corp. (Von’s) and Kroger have come out saying they have stopped carrying this type of meat as well. Well, isn’t that fine and dandy…considering we’ve already been consuming it for…who knows how long?! This is one issue that is not going away and just goes to show we need to be aware of what we’re eating and putting into our bodies. Perhaps if we swapped the placenta pill for meat we would all feel less sluggish…?!

“Reborn Dolls” — this is last one is not gross…it’s just a little odd…or a lot odd, Mama should say.  Mama is used to people oohhing and ahhing over little baby CeCe…she is adorable after all but one fact remains…she is real. She cries, she poops, she needs to be fed. She is not a doll. However this morning on TODAY, there was a segment about a women that carries around this very life-like Reborn Doll like a real baby. She puts it into a carseat, straps it in, takes it out and into public places like a real baby and watches while people oogle over her “baby.” The owner of the “baby” has two kids of her own but yet is a collector of these Reborn Dolls and if asked, she will tell you it’s not real. However, why in the first place would you take that doll out of the house like a real baby…it is really, really creepy. She better not be getting in the carpool lane because of that thing…!

So just when you think you’ve seen it all…more comes along — would you do any of these things?

 

The middle one…

Perhaps it’s Mama’s guilt kicking in or perhaps it’s the fact that we lost him for a whole FIVE MINUTES this past weekend but in the end…he’ll always be the middle child. Mama thought that being the only boy in the family would help the fact that he is the one in the middle. In fact there is a whole psychological theory based on being the middle child…it’s called: Middle Child Syndrome. Middle Child Syndrome is based on the fact that they are always the one left behind — too big to be the baby and too small to do the big kid things. They never get Mama and Daddy just to themselves — they are always sharing them…they are often depressed and not recognized for their talents and have an identity crisis when they get older. They are always jealous of what they don’t get. SAY WHAT?

How can Mama do this to Baby Boy? Mama doesn’t want him to have an identity crisis. He is smart. He is funny. He is handsome. Mama always lets him know it…or does Mama? He’s always the one left at home with the sitter…for many reasons…but one being that he is harder to handle in public and will often run away into the street dodging cars that get in his way. Two, he doesn’t like to sit still…EVER. Three, he’s much happier after a nap and would rather watch his cars then be toted from place to place while his sister does her activities. Plus…it helps Mama keep her sanity. Everyone is happier for it…or are they?

While now isn’t a great time to be doubting oneself about the birth order of your children (which you have no control over by the way), it is time to start thinking about how this can syndrome can be avoided. We don’t want the one in the “middle” to be forgotten. Just think of Jan Brady from The Brady Bunch and how insane she went every time Marsha got something…it was always “Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!” We spread the love around for sure. Baby Boy gets his fair share of attention and STUFF…lots of STUFF for this kid. He’s currently obsessed with Cars and his Dad has no doubt fed that addiction. His favorite place is Target and he will do anything for a trip to Target because he thinks another toy is coming his way. However, to avoid the toy route we have switched to Cars Cheez-its, Cars Gummies and now are liking the Easter candy that is displayed every which way.

He’s actually the one we have to keep an eye on the most because he is a runner. He has a fearlessness that has yet to be recognized and his sense of danger is nonexistent. This past weekend was a testament to that when he ran while our backs were turned at the beach. He disappeared into thin air. At first you think, someone took him because with all the news reports of children being kidnapped, you can’t help but think that. Then you think he’s in the water…trying to swim the waves. You start panicking and screaming his name up and down the beach. The baby in your arms senses your panic and starts crying hysterically and all you can think about is, “WHERE IS MY LITTLE BOY?”

Luckily, we found him…up the hill by the playground taking a shower because he was “all sandy.” He scared us. The middle child…the one that has to fight for an identity and fight for attention. He was safe and Mama’s nerves still haven’t stopped shaking from those horrible five minutes. Did he do it for attention because he’s the middle child? That we’ll never know because at three…you’re too young to know better.

The one in the middle sure is special. They say the oldest child is the leader and the star of the family. The youngest child, the baby, is laidback and spoiled. The middle child…oh, the one in the middle. The hubs is the middle child and he turned out okay…we think…What if there is a whole slew of kids…like five, six or seven — do the ones in the middle ALL have the syndrome?!

Who are some famous middle children? John F. Kennedy Jr., Princess Diana, Richard M. Nixon, Martin Luther King, Jr., Barbara Walters, Jennifer Lopez, Bill Gates, Cindy Crawford, Madonna, Britney Spears, Donald Trump, Julia Roberts, Sarah Jessica Parker, Jay Leno and Sarah Palin. Yikes…from the looks of this list…either Baby Boy is destined for a political career or be known for some wild and crazy antics that make him semi-famous.

There are always exceptions to the rule but Mama would love to know — are you a middle child? Are you in crisis?

Celebrity playdate…

Image via VIP PHOTO

So as Mama was enjoying a few silent moments after all the kids went to bed (finally!) the other night and watching a little Jersey Shore (mindless TV…it’s what’s for dinner)…Mama started thinking about these reality stars and their kids actually watching them some day on these TV episodes. To Mama you always have those moments where you do something or say something that you tell your kids not to do or say and then you do it — right in front of them. Do they correct you? OF COURSE they do! And what does one say — do as I say and not as I do? Or as the hubs likes to say, “only Daddy talks like that” — sure you and all the truckers in America!

Then Mama turned on the computer and saw the rumors swirling about Snooki being pregnant. Uh oh! Not as if she wouldn’t change her ways at all because that is how she makes her living after all…being drunk and stupid. Having a baby would sure change the way she makes her money. Although, Mama is sure there’s some baby company out there would love to have Snooki as a spokesperson. However, Mama is not so sure that would make me buy a product…in fact, Mama would probably avoid it just because of that. Sure, people can change their ways but having a baby is more than just carrying them around as an accessory because if it were that easy, then everyone would be doing it.

Now Mama is seriously thinking about which celebrity mama that Mama and the kids would love to have a playdate with. It couldn’t be someone like Heidi Klum because Mama would probably be giving her dirty looks every time her back was turned because she’s just too damn skinny for having carried and birthed four children….

It couldn’t be Victoria Beckham because Mama would just want to try and see her husband, David Beckham, naked….oh, wait….there’s an H&M billboard that shows it all…

How about Nicole Richie or Jessica Alba? Nicole and Mama might get along, however Mama probably might start asking too many questions about Paris and Miss. Lohan (who apparently is on the wagon again). She’ll probably get too annoyed with Mama. Jessica is a definite possibility…

Gosh so many celebrity Mamas to hang out with — who to choose (because you know they’re blowing up Mama’s phone right now with texts to come over and hang out!)?

Really the answer is simple — Jennifer Garner, of course. Congrats to the new Mama of three — a baby boy (her life is about to change…anyone with girls and then has one boy come along knows what Mama is talking about). Mama would totally hang out with her and her crew because, one, her fashion sense is just like Mama’s — simple, classic and comfortable. Two, she’s always with her kids doing REAL things like going to parks, libraries, museums and Pinkberry. Three, her kids are exactly the same age as Mama’s. And, four, Mama loves that she’s such the girl-next-door.

Tell Mama…who is your ideal celebrity playdate with?

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