First off, is there such a thing as being sexy after just having given birth? No, not really BUT you can fake it (which is what Mama is all about these days…). Second off, this is dedicated to Mama’s darling Lily-girl who this morning looked at Mama and said in such a serious tone, “It looks like you still have the baby in your tummy!” Fantastic way to start off the day that began at 1 a.m. and then again at 4 a.m. and well, never has seemed to end (hence, why Mama is just getting to this NOW…a few days later). I think if your man has a problem with masturbation, or if you just like to be dominant, you should definitely check out the metal chastity cock cages over at lock the cock.
So while Mama packed the lip gloss and the mascara for the hospital, one can not make the weight they’ve gained in the past nine months disappear like magic once they’re ready to vacate the hospital (don’t we wish…). So for now it’s a muffin top that Mama is everyday willing and willing to go down. It stays…and stays…and on some days…it seems to grow bigger. That is so not sexy. Actually, Mama doesn’t even care to look sexy these days but rather, just normal. To feel normal…once again and that is why Mama is faking it with these helpful style tips that can be used for post-partum style or perhaps just because you’re feeling bloated from the holidays. Not that wearing a maxi pad for six weeks post-delivery, large underwear (note, no thongs allowed), sore nipples, unwashed hair, eye bags and coffee breath (can’t seem to find the right time to brush), isn’t sexy…or is it?! According to most men and women Mama knows, that it is NOT.
Here’s Mama’s guide for surviving the next few weeks…
It’s not what you wear on the outside, but what you wear on the inside that counts. While Mama is now rockin’ the nursing bras and tanks, it’s so hard to feel normal as you constantly snap and unsnap your shirt and bra a zillion times a day. It’s hard work and struggling with your daily wear is just not normal…especially when it’s in BIG sizes (34G, anyone?!). While this may be just too much information for the average individual, what Mama can tell you is that there is help out there to feel sexy from the inside out. It’s called CAKE LINGERIE and Mama is loving it to wear morning, noon and night (yes, one must sleep with a bra these days). The sexy styles and easy to unsnap and snap clasps make it so nice to wear and it comes in underwire and non-underwire so if you need an extra lift…it’s there for you! Here’s Mama’s favorites right now…The Licorice Bra, $59.90, at cakelingerie.com. Also has matching underwear which you might as well get because matching sets are so sexy and make you feel so good! And NO, that is not Mama in the picture (HA!).
And because Mama LOVES anything PINK…this one is also in Mama’s drawer! Coconut Ice Plunge Bra, $59.90, at cakelingerie.com.
Throw out the maternity wear but DON’T wear anything too tight. After about two weeks of delivery, you should now be putting all the maternity wear into a bag or a box and sticking it far, far away. People saw you wear it through your whole pregnancy and they will know that it’s maternity wear. Spend a little bit of money at some of Mama’s favorite budget-friendly stores like H&M, Old Navy and Target to get some new clothes that FIT YOU NOW but aren’t budget breakers as you know that eventually you’ll be back into your old wardrobe. You’ll feel half-way normal wearing real jeans again without an elastic waist and save the stretch pants for when you’re lounging at home nursing/feeding the baby because that’s when you should just be comfortable. Also, all your shirts will be belly shirts. That’s okay too but wear tanks underneath them and also make sure they’re not TOO tight. Go for loose fitting tops and tunics that hide and forgive all of your post-partum lumps and bumps. Forget wearing the maternity shirts — they are too stretched out for you to look decent and will creep up on you exposing parts that you just don’t want seen. Here’s a great blouson top for only $32 that hides everything and looks so great, Floral Pleated Blouson Top, at oldnavy.com.
Always wear your mascara and lip gloss — even if you don’t have time to shower! Like Mama always said, there’s something to be said for these two products because even when you don’t look good, they make you look good. They give your face a facelift even though you’ve got puffy eyes from lack of sleep and make you look less pale and alert. About those puffy eyes…Mama was introduced to Eyedews by a friend this summer AND seriously, they work more than those cucumber slices (plus, who has time to go to the store to get cucumber then slice them). Go ahead and try it…you may just thank Mama later…Eyedews, $25 for 6 packs, at eyedews.com.
So what do you think…can this Mama bring SEXY back? Let’s try it and see (pictures to be posted later…perhaps after a DryBar blowout and a swipe of mascara)!